here in my head

I head home tomorrow, which yay! Because I miss Mike like crazy. And the cats. And my own bed. But also boo, because it means that I have to leave my beautiful niece. There have been times this week when I have been homesick, when I have been frustrated, when I have been sad or angry or confused. But those times have never been when I’m with her. She is one of the happiest kids in the world, full of smiles, giggles, and unabandoned joy. Sure, there have been some tears, but they never last long, and usually are because she is hungry or tired. One-year-olds can’t help but be in the moment, and by virtue of being wrapped up in her every action, her every giggle (and let me tell you there is no better giggle than hers), her every smile, her every new word, I can’t help but be in the moment when I’m with her. With her, I wasn’t seeking out the computer for distraction. I wasn’t worrying about what waits in store for me at work on Monday. I wasn’t thinking about whether we’ll ever have a baby of our own, and why haven’t we had one yet, and what happens if we can’t and all those other thoughts that roll around my head these days. I wasn’t anywhere but there, in the moment with her. The challenge in leaving tomorrow is how to keep that sense of being in the moment and take it with me, even though I won’t have her with me, reminding me with her smile.

What I will also miss? How she whispers “App-ple” and “Haaat” when we read her ABC book. How she “woof”s everytime she sees a dog – real, picture or stuffed toy. How she imitates me everytime I cough. How she’ll bring me a book and then raise her arms up and say “up” so I’ll lift her on my lap to read. How she tries to imitate me when I sing. How she will hit the button on her toy until it plays “if you’re happy and you know it” and then claps along. How she starts shouting “Hi! Hi! Hi!” as soon as she hears her daddy come home from work. How she snuggles and cuddles into you when you take her up for her nap, or pick her up from her nap. And most of all, I will miss how she dances whenever she hears music.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 6th, 2010 at 11:29 pm and is filed under life, etcetera. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.