here in my head

Between Hilly returning to her heart’s home of California, and Chris’ blog post this morning asking us “where are you?”, I’ve been giving some thought as to just where Home is for me. This idea that there is the right place in the world for someone. A vibe or an energy that fits you perfectly.

I think that for some people there is one place in the world that is just for them, and if they’re lucky, they’ve found it. And I think “Home” can be in many places for others. I know I get that feeling from different places at different times in my life, so there may not be just one place where my heart calls home.

I know that our downtown house is far more ‘home’ than our suburban Ottawa house ever was. Even with the upheaval of (seemingly unending) renovations I have never once doubted that this was the right move for us. That this is the right house for us. That we are in the right place for us. And Ottawa feels much more like home to me than many other places I’ve lived. But is it my heart’s home? I don’t know.

I also know when I see the skyline of Toronto from a plane or a train (or an automobile) I get a familiar flutter in my belly of “HOME” – I was born there, it’s one of my favourite Canadian cities, so that could be it. I love the energy of the city, the availability of theatre, music, food, and cute little boutiques that can be found there. I love that some of my best friends live there. But I’m also glad when it’s time to return to Ottawa, and the slightly more laid-back lifestyle here.

I know I feel a peace and a grounding like no other when I’m in the midst of the big sky of the prairies, so that could very well be “home”. Some people think that the flat prairies are boring, but I know better. I love how you can see a storm roll in from dozens upon dozens of kilometres away. I love how such an expansive sky is so freeing – like nothing is penning you in. I love that the city where I was a child – Winnipeg – has world class arts and culture that allowed a geeky, music-loving girl the opportunities to sing with a semi-professional choir, and see amazing theatre and ballet on a regular basis. Some of the people I love best in this world live there.

But I’ve had that feeling in places I’ve never lived too: New York City is one of my favourite places on earth, and when I’m walking in New York, it’s like the energy of Toronto, times a thousand, is coursing through my veins. When walking around the streets of Paris I felt a familiarity, a sense of “Home”, even though I’d never been there before. And I thought Vancouver a near perfect city when we visited on our honeymoon – with the Rocky Mountains to one side and the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean to the other. PEI, with it’s beautiful red sandy beaches, was one place I didn’t want to leave on our trip down east. I could also see myself living in Halifax with its rolling hilly roads and amazing boardwalk.

Maybe it’s just that I haven’t found the one place that makes my heart sing in just that way that tells me all these other places are simply mere imitations of HOME. Or maybe there are multiple places in this world that make me feel at home. I know that I do love where I am in life right now, and really, that’s all that’s important.